Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
