half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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