Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's the barista slut.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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