At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are my feet made of real feet?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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