CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
