he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
