At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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