just come out here and I will go home with you...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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