I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
