actually, I'm a sock model
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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