I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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