Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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