I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
