If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
