guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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