Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
