i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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