need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
