I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
