went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
