dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
