don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
