Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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