i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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