party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
