Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
