Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
