So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize