I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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