i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
