her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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