I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
