Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
