Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
