We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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