Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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