so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
