No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
