Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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