I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
