I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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