I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
