atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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