What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
