but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
