Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
