Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
