Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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