I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
