hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
