i need an iv and a liver transplant
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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