I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
