; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
