the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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