SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
