Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
