I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
did i just pee glitter
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
