Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
