I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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