I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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