capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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