She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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