and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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