the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
