i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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