The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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