her vagine was all disorganized.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
