Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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