he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Someone came in the potted fern
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I could fuck to npr.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
