he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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