Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
