I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize