Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
