Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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