I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
