theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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