I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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