I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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